Monday, December 26, 2011

Rethinking Friendship

I posted a few days back about a friend behaving in an unfriendly way.  I was strident, firm in my belief that what this friend did was wrong and I would never speak to her again.

Well, I thought about it.  I found that being mad was making me miserable, and that wasn't the point, was it?  For the past two week I've refused to speak to this person, but I just couldn't keep it up.  On Shabbat, after davening, during the women's shuir, I told a funny story, and this person laughed.  I look straight at her, and laughed with her.

At kiddish, I sat across the table from her and we spoke about things in general.  No doubt our friendship is harmed, but not completely over.

Yesterday, she sent me a text-message thanking me for being so gracious on Shabbat and telling me she has had a hard time with all this.  I wrote back to tell her that I was just as miserable as her, and was glad to speak to her again.

Then she text-messaged me back and said what a good friend I was.  No, I said, I'm not a good friend.  Just older and wiser.  The truth is, if we expect Hashem to forgive us for our sins, then we have to forgive everyone for theirs. I've heard this all my life, but never really accepted it until now.

Thank you, friend, for helping me realize just how important forgiveness is.


  1. It's called growing up. I heard a shuir today by a woman who said that everything that happens to us is from G-d, and that being angry because of a friend's behavior is a nullification of that. Food for thought.